2008

As the year is coming to an end I can't help to look back and see how eventful this last year was for Keith and I. I tend to get angry sometimes because we haven't had it easy and a lot of the issues deal with things that just shouldn't happen to us at our young age. But on the other hand I am very glad to have gone through the hard times that way I appreciate the good times so much more. In a nut shell, Keith and I have gone through 3 surgeries together...all repeated injuries...I was "withdrawn" from school because of my surgery...the school that I had to wait to get into the nursing program only to be told "try again...we can't help you out" regarding my unexpected surgery...me being off of work for a few months and praying I'd be able to pay my rent...Keith going through hell at the church which in turn resulted in a resignation which left him waiting to be employed again...changing my major...and the fear of every ache and pain in our young bodies and all we can do is pray that there is nothing wrong. It's been tough...and yet so very rewarding. Keith and I were together but it brought us 10x more toghether because we had to have someone to lean on. I am so very thankful that I had/have him in my life to lean on in times of hardship and I can only hope I was able to do the same for him. We experienced a lot together...good and bad...in just one year. We traveled to see the ones we live away from...we looked around Kentucky for new things to do...we worked our freakin' butts off to make it...and we did it all together. So even though 2008 has been very eventful in good and bad things...it has made us stronger people and in the end...I got to know my very best friend even more.

When did all of this happen?!

At what point in my life did I grow up? When did I start being responsible? When did I stop asking my parents for advice everyday? When did I start taking responsibilty for each action of mine? This amazes me sometimes because I don't remember an exact point when I just grew up. I'm not complaining by any means because I love how it is, but it has hit me a few times and I just think wow! I used to call my dad on a daily basis either asking him what I should do, or bitch and complain about something expecting him to somehow fix it from a state away. Somehow I just turned that off. In all honesty I don't know how he dealt with it for so long. But he was the best person to go to and all you would hear back was "suck it up". Ha. But now I am at the point when I just tell myself that. My days are so busy with working full time and going to school full time at night. But I stopped whining about it and just started to do it! Now, I have my occassional "I hate school, Keith!", but I'm still able to be great at it, and I'm still able to do my job the best that I can. But I don't know when I started caring so much! And I'm liking it! Keith just told me the other day that I remind him of a mom...not in a bad way...but the way that she lays dinner out every morning before she goes to work, or thinks about the decorations she's going to put up for each holiday, or worries about stupid stuff mom's worry about. It makes me laugh because I never used to be like that, and I guess now, I realize no one is going to worry about these things anymore for me and I just took over. And I don't necessarily think of a mom, I just think of an adult. This just crosses my mind every once in a while. This is the happiest I've ever been and I think it not only has to do with the wonderful man in my life, but I can look around and be proud of what I've been able to accomplish without anyone holding my hand.

Everything happens for a reason

"Everything happens for a reason"

I hear this phrase tosed around all the time. For the longest time, I got it, but I didn't really believe it. I couldn't understand why people felt pain and suffering, why we had to go through losing the ones we loved, why saddness was such a common emotion in society today. But for me, the best explination of this is to make you realize. To make you understand what you have, to know that later down the road, it's going to be better. You're going to be a better person, because you have delt with some of these issues and have the experience under your belt. You're also going to be able to teach others about the experiences, and without knowing, help them to make their own decisions, whether that be to save them from the trouble that you may have gone through, or to encourage them to take the adventure. From my own experience, I am a girl from Cleveland, OH who wanted out. I wanted out more than anything, and took a jump at the first opportunity. Little did I know the next two years were going to be close to the worst possible thing. Now, I went through so much craziness. I was so mad at myself for hurting the ones I loved for something that turned out not to even be real. Once I got myself out of the bad situation (thanks to my Dad and my sudden strength) I decided to live on my friends couch until I found out if I was accepted to the Nursing program. I told myself that this letter was going to be the decision to see if I moved home or if I stayed. Well needless to say, I stayed. Got my own place, was living it up until long story short, I was planning on moving home that winter. Once my dad begged me to come home, it was hard to tell him that I was staying in KY but I wasn't sure why. Something kept telling me to stay, something kept pushing my gut to feel that moving home was the wrong decision. So I stayed. Next thing you know, I'm madly in love, changed my major, and plan on moving somewhere that has nothing to do with Cleveland or Kentucky with the love of my life one day. I like to look back, it makes everything seem so real. All the tears and pain that I felt for two years, all turned out to be exactly what I needed. If I would have never gone through that, I would not be the person I am today by any means. I wouldn't have ever met Keith, or have learned half the things that I did by going through all that. And I notice now, some know my story and ask me for advice on what to do. The only thing I can tell them, is follow your gut. You may not understand why you're doing what you're doing, but it will all make sense down the road. It certainly does for me, and I can't regret any part of my journey, because it got me exactly where I am right now. And I couldn't be happier. You have to go through rain to get sunshine, right?