Captain America: The Winter Soldier
10 years ago
Thursday, September 25, 2008
When did all of this happen?!
At what point in my life did I grow up? When did I start being responsible? When did I stop asking my parents for advice everyday? When did I start taking responsibilty for each action of mine? This amazes me sometimes because I don't remember an exact point when I just grew up. I'm not complaining by any means because I love how it is, but it has hit me a few times and I just think wow! I used to call my dad on a daily basis either asking him what I should do, or bitch and complain about something expecting him to somehow fix it from a state away. Somehow I just turned that off. In all honesty I don't know how he dealt with it for so long. But he was the best person to go to and all you would hear back was "suck it up". Ha. But now I am at the point when I just tell myself that. My days are so busy with working full time and going to school full time at night. But I stopped whining about it and just started to do it! Now, I have my occassional "I hate school, Keith!", but I'm still able to be great at it, and I'm still able to do my job the best that I can. But I don't know when I started caring so much! And I'm liking it! Keith just told me the other day that I remind him of a mom...not in a bad way...but the way that she lays dinner out every morning before she goes to work, or thinks about the decorations she's going to put up for each holiday, or worries about stupid stuff mom's worry about. It makes me laugh because I never used to be like that, and I guess now, I realize no one is going to worry about these things anymore for me and I just took over. And I don't necessarily think of a mom, I just think of an adult. This just crosses my mind every once in a while. This is the happiest I've ever been and I think it not only has to do with the wonderful man in my life, but I can look around and be proud of what I've been able to accomplish without anyone holding my hand.
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3 comments:
i totally agree with you!! it's funny how all of a sudden you're decorating for holidays instead of helping your mom, you're cooking instead of having someone else do it for you (in your case, you have to cook since we all know keith cant haha!), and all of a sudden you're grown up. I love having my own place and cooking for matt and i, and decorating for holidays, and lighting candles when i want, and just being able to do what i want. it's always nice to go home and have mom cook something good for you, but i always love coming back to what i consider home now and being able to do my own thing. good blog jess!
i became an adult about a year and a half ago....so yup. i love you very mush and i love the way you are and i'm excited cause its only going to get better!
I like what you said there in that life moves so fast once you get to a certain age. Days blend into weeks, weeks to months so on and so on and time moves fast. I look back and see alot of crazy ass shit but at the same time my life know is just as interesting.
I dont know where i learned anything I know now but as long as i can remember I was always resourceful and self-maintaining. I would be 11 years old not coming to my parents house for 3 or 4 days at a time, sure I got in trouble, but I fed myself, found shelter, did alot of chemicals, but was generally taking care of myself. My needs were met. At 15 I slept in parks, the commons, kids korner, southberry, anywhere I could when I was kicked out. You become very resourceful. You make friends with people who have jobs, cars, money, food, and chemicals (for me). These were things I have done for years, take care of myself. I am wierd and different but I hear what your saying, how things change without even realizing it.
For me now, since i started abusing chemicals at 10 years old and I am almost 5 years sober I have the emotional and mental capacity of a 15 year old. I like to have fun, be irresponsible, kickin libido, have no routine or sleep schedule, love dick and fart jokes, and never get tired of causing trouble. At the same time I am 25 years old and have bills, a job, and a full time graduate level courseload and how the f*ck did i get here? For me its all backwards sdrawkcab. At 25 I call my mom and see what she thinks cause I never did, I come home to a loveley lady when i say i will becuase i never did, i care about people becuase i never did, I worry about things becuase i never did, I try my best becuase i never did, I dont waste any day becuase i was always wasted. When did all this happen? I have no idea. Sometimes I dont recognize who i was even 5 years ago let alone 15 or 10. The things Ive experienced made me who I am but when I remember what I have lived through I get terrified and become mystified as how I am here today.
Time keeps on slippin into the future and it cant be stopped. Good blog, hope i didnt confuze ya but it made me think about something other than school work so thank you
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